Job Openings
Production Line Worker (Urgently Needed)
This job requires no experience and can be done by anyone 5+! The ideal candidate should be hardworking, not to attached to their current lives and most importantly, be able to sign NDAs with ease!
Software Engineer
We are looking for a talented Software Engineer to join our team. The ideal candidate should have experience in developing web applications and a passion for innovative solutions.
Marketing Specialist
If you have a creative mind and love brainstorming marketing strategies, this position is for you! As a Marketing Specialist, you will be responsible for developing and implementing exciting campaigns.
Customer Support Representative
Do you have exceptional communication skills and enjoy confusing and scamming others? Join our customer support team and assist our valued clients with their inquiries and concerns.
Debunking Rumors
There are so many false rumours about our company from ex employees as well as people who are clearly mentally challenged, so we have this section to dispell all those false allegations!
Claim 1:
"Lunch breaks are not allowed, and employees survive on whatever they can steal from production lines"
Not true at all! Our Employees are allowed ONE lunch break a week, and they are absolutely NOT allowed to take food from production lines!
Claim 2:
"XYZ Corp exclusively hires people with hero complexes to unblock production belts!"
Ah, what a claim! While we pride ourselves on inclusivity, we assure you that our hiring process is open to all, not just people with hero complexes. Our production belts may sometimes need a bit of unblocking, and it turns out that they just happen to be best at the job, as the conveyor gets so mad at them telling them that what they're saying is offensive, even though its actually not offensive that it just wants to send them through the line!
Claim 3:
"Your company hires actors to pretend to be happy employees in company videos!"
We're proud to say that our employees are genuinely happy and love working here. No actors needed! However, we do occasionally put additives in the coffee dispensing machines to help them work better!
Claim 4:
"Employees often fall onto production lines due to a leak of vegetable oil that was never cleaned up"
While it is true that there was a vegetable oil leak in 2018, we can assure you that our cleaning team will be onto it once they are out of hospital!
As for the claim about employees falling onto production lines, we would like to assure you that the second one of our workers falls onto a line, their contract is immedietley void and they are out of our hands!
Claim 5:
"One of your factories was previously an abbatoir and you still have cattle going through the production line, despite the fact you don't make anything with meat in it"
NWhile it is very true that one of our factories used to be an abbatoir, we would like to let you all know that any excess cattle were put to work powering machinery as soon as everything was converted!
Claim 6:
"Your factories employee young children and pay them far below minimum wage"
While it is true that we employ children, we would like to assure you that their parents gave them to us and we will have them working until they are 21 and can provide for themselves!